


Dr. Seuss Interlude 2 - Animal Crackers

by Angylsmuse, Rina9294



Series: Pretty Baby [11]
Category: Once a Thief (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 11:12:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9605360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angylsmuse/pseuds/Angylsmuse, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rina9294/pseuds/Rina9294
Summary: Have you done it on a boat/ Have you done it with a goat?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted summer 2000.

The party on the private tour boat was in full swing, everyone dressed up in their costumes and looking as resplendent peacocks - literally. Vic wasn't sure who'd thought up the theme of this party, but dammit they should be shot. Who ever heard of an Animal costume party - on a Harbor cruise no less. Sighing, the ex-cop raised a fin to his ear to check in with his partner - the goat.

"Mac, how's the CEO doing? Still shaking his tail feathers on the dance floor?" Vic asked Mac over their radio head sets as he watched the CEO's wife - the female peacock - on the lower deck while she gossiped with her cronies. He felt, no pun intended, like a fish out of water. Staring morosely down at the Sturgeon costume he sported, he wondered again for the hundredth time just what they'd done this time to piss the dragon lady off.

Who'd have thought that the rich were this idle that they needed to have stupid parties on boats just to get their jollies. Vic didn't care if all the money raised from the blue plate, blue blood event went to save the rain forest - he did _not_ want to be in a fish costume!!! And pulling security for the event - it was his worst nightmare. Costumes, masks, catering staff etc. Vic had heaved a sigh of relief when they'd finally shoved off. At least there was no way for a baddie to get to close to them without someone noticing while they were sailing around the Toronto Islands. By rocket launcher perhaps, but that was it.

"God Mac, kill me now - she's talking conga lines and party games!" he whined softly, wanting to go home, burn the costume, and cuddle with his lover slash partner.

"Hey, could be worse, you could be down here with the menagerie listening to Pat Boone,' Mac shuddered, resisting the urge to scratch at the tiny horns glued to his forehead. The Director had really gotten them on this one; wearing wooly pants with fake hooves and a little tail while going bare chested on a boat full of slightly inebriated people was not something he wanted to repeat. If one more person yanked on his tail or asked if he was horny...

Mac sighed, knowing Vic could hear the exhalation and hoping his partner missed the yelp when he was goosed once again - by a goose. "Damn horns had better come off," he muttered. "If she used SuperGlue..."

"How much longer does this thing go on?" he griped, maneuvering around the edge of the dance floor, attempting to keep an eye on the gyrating CEO they were assigned to watch. "I want to get our of this thing, get out of here and get on you - in whatever order necessary."

"At least you don't have people wanting to 'spawn' with you," Vic grimaced as the iridescent lycra of his bodysuit rode up. He'd been informed that he either had to go commando or where a pouch otherwise the line of his costume would be ruined. And then had been informed that the pouch was out because she'd changed her mind. He had a fin in the center of his back, and gills painted on his neck to blend in with the mask and all in all he felt even more naked then he would have if he'd _been_ naked.

Keeping his back to the railing Vic effectively steered off another advance - this time by a ... mongoose? And thought he was safe until the CEO's wife came up and pulled him into the conga line - right in front of her so _she_ could play with his dorsal fin.

"Help!" he muttered desperately into the head set.

~*~*~

Vic closed the door to one of the yacht's two bedrooms and breathed a sigh of relief. Alone at last. Thank god that there were 4 separate teams working, or he'd have been stuck in that conga line forever. As it was his relief arrived just in time to watch Vic yelp as a hand dipped a little _too_ low on his waist and Vic dance his way out of the lineup, only to shove said hapless replacement (a chicken) in as a substitute. Vic had then bolted below deck, needing to hide out long enough to not pull out the gun hidden behind a fin and start shooting.

Locking the door, Vic padded to the washroom and groaned as he realized he'd have to fight his way out of his bodysuit. Trying time and again to get to the zipper he was about ready to rip the thing off when a soft chuckle sounded behind him. Whirling around he saw his 'horny' partner standing in the doorway, a lock pick being idly twirled between Mac's fingers.

"Did you lock the door again, at least?"

"Now what do you think?" Mac chuckled, tossing the slim metal tool onto the desk near the door, then following it with his gun.

Ambling over to his partner, Mac gave the older man a thorough once over with his eyes, then smirked. "Thought you might be having a little trouble in here and figured I could help. Daddy Warbucks is safe at the bar with Jacks watching over him so I high-tailed it out of there while I could."

Turning Victor around so that he could reach the zipper on the older man's costume, Mac relieved him of his gun, then began to slide the metal tap downward, exposing Vic's tanned back. After rubbing up against his lover so that Vic could feel his approval, Mac laughed huskily.

"Hey baby, I'm feeling a little horny. Wanna spawn?" he asked, ducking when Vic rounded on him, then falling back onto the bed, roaring with laughter.

Shaking his head in mock disgust, Vic left his laughing hyena of a partner on the bed to go take care of his more basic needs - which included getting out of that damned lycra and letting his body breathe again. Groaning softly he gently pounded his head against the bulkhead, wondering just what he'd ever done to deserve this torture... he couldn't remember insulting the Director of late, Dobie and he steered clear of each other... nothing made sense.

It was only when Mac started making randy baa-ing noises from the bedroom that he finally managed to see the humor in it. Those damned goat legs made Mac look more like a horny satyr than a goat. At least the Director was kind enough not to give him teats.

Strolling back outside to the bedroom, his fish costume hanging around his waist, Vic appraised his lover carefully then chuckled. "Okay, goat boy if you wanna 'spawn' assume the position. After all - you're the creature known for doing it while on all fours."

Mac managed to lift his head up from the bedspread at Vic's comment though his eyes were bright with tears of laughter and his arms were wrapped around his stomach. "Hey, wait a minute..." he gasped, "last time I checked I was a male of the species and that means you're on the bottom, fish-face!"

Seeing Vic's scowl, Mac chuckled and shrugged. "Or not." Flipping over, he pushed up to his hands and knees, twitching his ass to make the little tail flip in the air. "Come on daa-dy, show me who's the king salmon here," he teased, waggling his eyebrows at the older man.

Vic groaned at the second volley of bad puns coming from the younger man then grinned at the absurdity of the situation, Mac's position and that damnable twitching tail. The grin turned into a smirk as Mac waggled his hips once more, his tiny horns bobbing on his forehead due to waggling eyebrows and the flipping tail.

A gruff chuckle escaped, even as he tried to smother it. The chuckle became a laugh and the laugh an out and out side splitter. "You... those horns... tail!" he managed to gasp out collapsing onto the bed next to Mac who was now staring at him as if he'd lost his marbles. It was just too cute, Mac was just too cute in his horny little satyr's outfit.

"C'mon, Flipper," Mac whined, taking advantage of his lover's incapacitated state to pounce him and rub their bare chests together. "You gonna do something about this or do I need to go look up Little Bo Peep out there?

Vic suddenly rolled them both over so that he was on top. "You go looking for Little Bo Peep and she's gonna be fishfood, goatboy!" he growled softly before taking his lover's mouth in a possessive kiss.

"You're mine from the tips of those teensie little horns to your cloven toes and everything in between. Got it?" he continued as he came up for air, his fingers woven tightly through Mac's mussed hair.

"All mine," he continued as he began to trail his mouth down the younger man's neck with a butterfly soft caress. Moving further, he laved Mac's collarbone, before meandering down the dusky brown buttons partially hidden beneath browns silken curls. Nosing his way through the mass, Vic petted his cheek against the rough velvet feel of it, blowing on first one then the other damp nipple, grinning as they peaked and Mac moaned.

"Still wanna go looking for the bimbo?" he raised himself off of Mac so that he was on all fours above the younger man, holding him steady by pressure to Mac's thighs and the fingers still imbedded in Mac's curls. Vic chuckled softly as his lover moaned at the loss of contact and tried to wiggle closer. "Or would you rather kiss a fish?"

"Would rather fuck a fish," Mac muttered. A notion stuck him then, and he tilted his head to the side, looking up at Victor, his expression thoughtful. "How do fish fuck anyway? It's not like there's anything hanging out anywhere."

He wiggled a bit against the pressure of the older man's arms and legs, then raked a hand down Vic's chest to his lycra clad crotch. "Or do I have to skin you the rest of the way to find out?"

Letting the younger man go, Vic grinned. "Oh I'd say you had to skin me, baaaaaby," the older man sniggered as he leaned back on his haunches and out of Mac's considerable reach.

Rolling to the left, Vic kept his legs tight around Mac and brought the younger man to rest on top of him. "So peel that skin off babe, and then we'll see who fucks who," Vic purred even as his hands dove into the hairy goat legs and found the side zips and hooks and eyes. They needed to be naked now!

"Mmm, sushi!" Mac grinned, wiggling out of his costume as he yanked the stretchy material off Vic's hips and down his legs. "No tentacles, though," he added with a pout. "Well, maybe one..."

Kicking out of his furry leggings, the ex-thief slithered down the bed, using Vic's bodysuit to hold him in place while he inhaled the other man's cock, teasing the hard shaft with his piercing as he suckled hungrily.

Gasping like. . . a fish out of water Vic lay there with his fingers clutched in his goat boy's hair. Jeez, Mac. Never knew," the older man gasped and bucked at a particularly devastating lick, "knew goats pierced their tongues!"

Letting go of his lover's hair, Vic grabbed Mac's arms and pulled upwards, dragging his partner up his aroused body and feeling the younger man's crinkly chest hair caress his sensitized flesh. "You do that and it's game over baby. Now be a good boy and fuck daaaady dearest!" he growled softly.

"Aww, little fishy can't taaake it?" Mac bleated, lowering his head and butting his forehead against Victors with a snicker. "Bet he can take something else though."

Still smirking, Mac wiggled down enough to close his lips around Vic's nipple, grumbling a bit over the fact that the ring had been declared a 'no-no' for the evening because of the fit of the costume. "Hmmm, guess you don't have any cod liver oil on ya, do you?" he asked, one hand wandering down between Vic's legs and pressing against the sensitive skin behind his balls. "Otherwise, I'm gonna have to go on a hunt, don't want my salmon hurt when I skewer him."

"Mac!" Vic bellowed impatiently. "Fuck me already will ya before people come looking for us."

Instead of letting his lover go in search of lubricant, Vic swung around on the bed and inhaled Mac's erection, wetting it down liberally with his saliva even as he exacted some well deserved revenge by teasing his lover mercilessly with tongue and teeth. The tightening of Mac's fingers in his hair let Vic know that he'd almost gone too far.

Pulling back with one last kiss to the tip of his goatboy's cock, Vic got up on all fours and dipped his back so that his ass was on show. "Mac," he moaned, looking over his shoulder with pleading green eyes. "Now, please?"

Thank god the cabin they had appropriated was air-conditioned. The feel of the cold breeze on his now wet erection brought Mac back himself enough that he was able to think of something other than how good Vic's mouth had felt around him. Growling low in his throat, not even caring that the noise had nothing to do with his costume, the teen lunged forward, spreading his lover's ass-cheeks with his palms, rimming the older man until his was wet and loose, and begging to be fucked.

"Now, Vice-man," Mac breathed, slicking his cock again, this time with his own saliva, before pressing the head of his erection against Vic's ass, then pushing inside, pausing just barely long enough to allow Victor to get used to him, before beginning to rock his hips hard against the other man's. His long arms circled Vic's chest, one hand playing with his nipples, while the other dipped lower to pump his cock in time with Mac's thrusts. ""Like that, Flipper?" he breathed, nipping at Vic's ear and neck, loving the familiar feel of being gloved in the older man's body again.

Vic moaned desperately, too turned on to even care about the really lame fish jokes. Over and over he thrust back to take his lover inside him. "God, Mac there, oh Jesus!" Vic yelped as the younger man's cock rubbed his prostate just right and sent him wailing. His free hand joined Mac's on his cock and the interlaced fingers milked him sweetly.

"Oh God," the sturgeon whimpered as his balls tightened and his ass clenched and he came in hot, white spurts onto the much too expensive bedspread. Trying desperately to remain upright when all he wanted to do was collapse into the mattress Vic held still, whimpering at the ex-thief's increased tempo as Mac too sought his release.

Mac's whole body tightened as Vic clenched around him, and he closed his teeth on the older man's shoulder to avoid howling out his pleasure for the whole boat to hear. Once the tremors of his climax abated, Mac relaxed his jaw, licking over the half-moon shaped marks in Vic's skin, then nuzzling the nape of his neck. "Man, you're one fine piece of tail, you know that?"

They both started snickering at that and collapsed together on the bed, arms and legs tangled together until they finally sorted themselves out and ended up lying curled together. "Guess we'd better get back out there," Mac sighed, picking up the other agents' voices over their discarded headsets. "Before they send someone in after us."

"Do we have to?" Vic whined quietly. "I really hate this stupid costume. I just wanna go home and return the favor by fucking you senseless."

Mac's throaty chuckle and murmured promise of later had Vic on his feet and sourly pulling the lycra back on. "I really, _really_ hate lycra! The person who invented it should be shot," he groused as he finished dressing.

Pulling Mac close for a quick kiss, then slid on his headset and headed to the door. "By the way," Vic husked as he slipped outside, "Flipper's a mammal and eating him in your tuna would be baaad, not that you'd mind. Goat's eat anything. See you tonight baaaaaby!"

~*~*~

"Vi-ic," Mac wailed, yelping as he tugged at the horns glued to his forehead. The damn adhesive had set too well, and he couldn't loosen them. "Help me get these things off!"

Vic, walking out of the bathroom wearing nothing more than a smile, grinned at his lover. "Problems, babe?" he chuckled as he walked over to help. After long moments of tugging and prying the older man shook his head in exasperation. "What the hell did you use, Mac? Crazy glue?"

The whimpering growl from his lover had Vic placing a quick kiss between the horns. "Don't worry, baby, we'll figure something out." Rummaging through the garbage bin he found the box the glue had come in. Reading the instructions quickly, he bit back a snicker. Oh this was bad.

"Umm, babe? How much of this stuff did you use? And I have bad news or good news depending on your answer."

"I dunno, I just glopped it on, why?" The last was added suspiciously and with a great bit of trepidation as Mac moved to look over Vic's shoulder. "A week?! These fucking things aren't coming off for a week? No way!"

He yanked at the offending bits of plastic, yelping when that only managed to pull at his skin as well. Disconsolate, Mac slumped down on the closed toilet seat, his head in his hands. "No way. I am not going out of this place until these things come off, got it?"

Vic bit back the grin that threatened to explode into laughter and made the appropriate cooing agreement noises not wanting to set Mac off on a rant. Truth be told, Victor found the horns kind of, well, adorable.

"The horns aren't _that_ noticeable Mac, and you could wear a baseball hat or something - maybe start a new fashion trend. You know you can't miss a week of school, baby, not with exams so close," Vic tried to reason sensibly which only elicited a frustrated growl from the younger man.

"Okay, okay. I'll get the doctors at the agency to come up with an excuse. I'll even go pick up your assignments and notes if you arrange it with your classmates to borrow them. Whatever makes your life easier," Vic soothed as he backed away quickly. "What ever makes you happy, babe." Turning quickly, Vic managed to escape into the bedroom before the absurdity of the situation overtook him once more and he doubled over in silent laughter. "What would make me happy is to get these damn things off my head!" Mac yelled toward his partner's back, growling to himself when the angle of the mirror in the bathroom allowed him to see that Vic was now laughing his head off. "Fuck you, Mansfield," he grumbled, his expression collapsing into a forlorn pout at the knowledge that he was stuck with the damn plastic accessories for the next week. "Better yet, I won't, that'll teach you." The pout took on a self-satisfied air and Mac climbed into the shower, bathing quickly, then toweling off before dressing in a pair of sweat pants. Wandering out of the bedroom, he headed into the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge and marched into the guest room, patently ignoring the older man. Knowing full well he was acting like a brat, he started to boot up the computer, then paused, looking at the list next to it. Several lines had red checks next to them, and as Mac read down the questions, he began to grin. "Or, maybe not," he chuckled, picking up the list and a pen, then sauntering back out into the living room. "Hey Fish-face, think we managed to get a couple more or these done tonight." Dropping down into Vic's lap, he poked at the paper, waiting for the other man to pick up on the hint and look for the ones they'd done.

Vic took the list from the grinning ex-thief with a great deal of trepidation. Skimming over the items quickly his trepidation turned into out right mortification. "Boat. . . Goat... Sturg... JESUS! If I didn't know that there was no way in _hell_ that woman could know about this I'd swear. . ." turning to stare at his wickedly grinning lover, Vic moaned quietly. "She wouldn't, would she?" Mac reached a hand up and absently scratched at one of his horns, his brow furrowing. "No way, man," he finally answered. "I mean, how in the hell would she know about this? I know the place was clean when we got the list and we've kept it hidden... You don't think...No, no way," he said, shaking his head, as much to convince himself as his lover.

"Unh-hunh," Vic replied, quirking an eyebrow at the younger man, not wholly convinced but willing to believe his lover over his own paranoid mind. "Let's just - leave that for now. So, what's next on the list?" he asked, nuzzling Mac's neck, his tongue sneaking out to tickle the flesh underneath it every once and a while. "If we're doing this we might as well do it right - perfect scores?"

"Oh but Victor," Mac breathed in a high-pitched falsetto, "every time I score with you, it's perfect." He broke down into laughter then curling up as much as possible on Vic's lap to avoid the punishment he knew was coming, then finally dropping to the floor to get away from the tickling he was getting.

"That mean I get to strap you to a rack next?" he howled, collapsing onto the floor, unable to move, he was laughing so hard.

Vic rolled his eyes heavenward and prayed for patience. "Somehow, baby, I think you had the wrong costume on last night. With all that braying you're doing you should have been a jack ass!"

Mac crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue at his lover. "My name ain't Jack, but you can kiss my ass," he shot back; rolling over and patting the body part in question.

Vic's foot connected with his lover's ass, pushing the younger man forward and laughing as Mac sprawled on the floor unceremoniously. "Well gee, I don't know about that Macky boy, wouldn't want to get mad goat disease or anything!" Mac rolled over and flipped Vic the bird before pushing up on his elbows. "Ahh, bite me, Mansfield," he offered, spreading his legs in invitation. "Ain't nothing you'd get that you haven't had before and you know it."

Vic burst out laughing at the absurdity of their conversation. "Babe, the number of times I've had you and you've had me, I'd say that anything we have is communally owned!"

Pouncing on the younger man, the ex-cop proceeded to kiss the smart mouth of his lover into submission before anything else came out of it. When Mac was panting for air, the older man grinned down at him. "So, you gonna talk dirty to me some more?"

Mac rolled over and flipped Vic the bird before pushing up on his elbows. "Ahh, bite me, Mansfield," he offered, spreading his legs in invitation. "Ain't nothing you'd get that you haven't had before and you know it."

Vic burst out laughing at the absurdity of their conversation. "Babe, the number of times I've had you and you've had me, I'd say that anything we have is communally owned!"

Pouncing on the younger man, the ex-cop proceeded to kiss the smart mouth of his lover into submission before anything else came out of it. When Mac was panting for air, the older man grinned down at him. "So, you gonna talk dirty to me some more?"

Rubbing his thigh against the older man's growing erection, Mac smirked and waggled his eyebrows. The snicker that earned him made him roll his eyes heavenward and he bit at Vic's lower lip in retaliation. "Depends on what it gets me, Vice-man," he chuckled. "I still wanna see how fish fuck, think you can manage that or do I need to head to the zoo?"

"Oh I think I can manage that just fine, baby," Vic purred then groaned as the phone began to ring. "No. No way. She wouldn't dare, not on the weekend," he cursed softly.

"Oh boys, do stop rolling around on the floor and kindly make your way to the office, something other than your cocks has come up and needs immediate attention. Be here in half an hour or I give you to Dobrinsky when he needs yardwork done."

**"AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**


End file.
